Thursday, December 29, 2011
THIS WILL HELP MOST OF YOU
Recently received this little gem:
Political Science for Dummies
DEMOCRAT
· You have two cows.
· Your neighbor has none.
· You feel guilty for being successful.
· You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN
· You have two cows.
· Your neighbor has none.
· So?
SOCIALIST
· You have two cows.
· The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
· You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
· You have two cows.
· The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
· You wait in line for hours to get it.
· It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
· You have two cows.
· You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, CANADIAN STYLE
· You have two cows.
· Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
· You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
· You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
· You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
· Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You go on strike because you want three cows.
· You go to lunch and drink wine.
· Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
· They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
· Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
· Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
· You break for lunch.
· Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You drink some vodka.
· You count them and learn you have five cows.
· You drink some more vodka.
· You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
· The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
· You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
· You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' s private parts.
· You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· They go into hiding.
· They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
· You have two bulls.
· Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
· You have one cow.
· The cow is schizophrenic.
· Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
· The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
· The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
· The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
· The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
· You have a black cow and a brown cow.
· Everyone votes for the best looking one.
· Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for theblack one.
· Some people vote for both.
· Some people vote for neither.
· Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
· Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the bestlooking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
· You have millions of cows.
· They make real California cheese.
· Only five speak English.
· Most are illegal.
· Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
Political Science for Dummies
DEMOCRAT
· You have two cows.
· Your neighbor has none.
· You feel guilty for being successful.
· You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN
· You have two cows.
· Your neighbor has none.
· So?
SOCIALIST
· You have two cows.
· The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
· You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
· You have two cows.
· The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
· You wait in line for hours to get it.
· It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
· You have two cows.
· You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, CANADIAN STYLE
· You have two cows.
· Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
· You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
· You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
· You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
· Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You go on strike because you want three cows.
· You go to lunch and drink wine.
· Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
· They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
· Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
· Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
· You break for lunch.
· Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· You drink some vodka.
· You count them and learn you have five cows.
· You drink some more vodka.
· You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
· The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
· You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
· You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' s private parts.
· You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
· You have two cows.
· They go into hiding.
· They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
· You have two bulls.
· Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
· You have one cow.
· The cow is schizophrenic.
· Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
· The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
· The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
· The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
· The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
· You have a black cow and a brown cow.
· Everyone votes for the best looking one.
· Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for theblack one.
· Some people vote for both.
· Some people vote for neither.
· Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
· Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the bestlooking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
· You have millions of cows.
· They make real California cheese.
· Only five speak English.
· Most are illegal.
· Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
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