THIS WILL HELP MOST OF YOU

Recently received this little gem:


Political Science for Dummies
DEMOCRAT
·       You have two cows.
·       Your neighbor has none.
·       You feel guilty for being successful.  
·       You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone. 
REPUBLICAN 
·       You have two cows.
·       Your neighbor has none.
·       So?
 
SOCIALIST 
·       You have two cows.
·       The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
·       You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
 
COMMUNIST 
·       You have two cows.
·       The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
·       You wait in line for hours to get it.
·       It is expensive and sour.
 
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE 
·       You have two cows.
·       You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
 
BUREAUCRACY, CANADIAN STYLE 
·       You have two cows.
·       Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION 
·       You have two cows.
·       You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
·       You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
·       You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
·       You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
·       Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION 
·       You have two cows.
·       You go on strike because you want three cows.
·       You go to lunch and drink wine.
·       Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION 
·       You have two cows.
·       You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
·       They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
·       Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION 
·       You have two cows.
·       You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
·       Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION 
·       You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
·       You break for lunch.
·       Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION 
·       You have two cows.
·       You drink some vodka.
·       You count them and learn you have five cows.
·       You drink some more vodka.
·       You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
·       The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION 
·       You have all the cows in  Afghanistan , which are two.
·       You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' s private parts.
·       You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION 
·       You have two cows.
·       They go into hiding.
·       They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION 
·       You have two bulls.
·       Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION 
·       You have one cow.
·       The cow is schizophrenic.
·       Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
·       The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
·       The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
·       The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
·       The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION 
·       You have a black cow and a brown cow.
·       Everyone votes for the best looking one.
·       Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
·       Some people vote for both.
·       Some people vote for neither.
·       Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
·       Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION 
·       You have millions of cows.
·       They make real California cheese.
·       Only five speak English.
·       Most are illegal.
·       Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.